Changing Christmases

There are a few occasions each year where we value tradition, particularly family tradition.  We want the occasion to be like years past.  To relish in the comfort and stability of the known.  No surprises. No discomfort. No variation.  And there is probably no occasion that this is more important, for Christians, than Christmas.  Other such occasions probably include Thanksgiving and perhaps family occasions like birthdays and anniversaries.  But Christmas, for most of us, is the most important.

But inevitably Christmases do change.  Children grow up and start their own traditions.  Venues change for a variety of reasons such as a move to another town.  But as hard as we try to maintain the sameness, we eventually accept these changes.  I still relish the Christmases when my children were all in the same city and we could all get together.  But there is probably no more disruptive change than the loss of a loved one.

My beloved wife, Denee, died this year and that will make for a huge change to me and her whole family.

Denee loved Christmas, particularly the preparations that preceded it. She was the one who insisted that the tree was up by the end of November.  She was the one who was in charge of decorating the tree and the house.  I was just along as the labourer. She was the one who loved to shop for the children and eventually, the grandchildren.  I was only there to meekly agree with her selections and, of course, to carry the loot. She was the one who wrapped most of the Christmas presents, and constantly surprised me with her present to me.  She was the one who determined the Christmas dinner menu and, although cooking was not her favourite pastime, somehow managed to produce a delicious meal for all. And she was the one who insisted that the Christmas decorations had to stay up well into January.  That was our Christmas tradition.  Since we were married, Christmas was always at our house except for one year, the winter of 1968.  That year we had Christmas at Denee’s mother in Pictou, Nova Scotia.  It was notable because we got the tallest tree we ever had, thanks to the high ceiling in her mother’s house.

So, this year will see a profound change at Christmas.  I have had to decorate the tree myself in a poor imitation of her style.  I had to figure out what to get people for Christmas and do the shopping myself.  I will spend Christmas with my son which means I will not have to cook, thank goodness (how do you like a frozen turkey dinner?).  I had to wrap presents myself (badly).  But I will have the pleasure of seeing one of my children and his family open my gifts.  But Denee will be so sorely missed.  It is the kind of Christmas change that nobody wants.